This is pretty good, especially considering you aren't a metalhead. As a bassist, I greatly appreciate having the bass audible, but in this case, it's too loud in the mix. Typically, you'll want the loudest part to be the melody or the part of greatest interest at a given moment in a piece--and a simple, repetitive bass line is neither of those. Having it as the loudest part in the beginning, however, was a good choice; just bring everything up to its level.
Compositionally, it would be nice to have more development of the theme, variations, a separate thematic idea, and possibly a breakdown (this is metal, after all).
Unfortunately, I can't really point you toward anyone in this particular style of metal since I typically listen to more technical and melodic bands like Blotted Science, Anata, Obscura, and Death (all can be found on youtube).
I look forward to hearing the final product!